i) MG RX-0 progress - touched and clipped 2 runners... that's it.

ii) D5K kit - untouched since pcnut wedding... collecting dust.

iii) Vow 2 start working out - hopelessly unfulfilled

iv) Changes/issues at workplace - been overwhelming lately... just go away... leave me alone...

v) Doing the things I like - what things? Haven't been doing anything I like for ages...

vi) Self confidence - zero

vii) Mental motivation - zero

viii) Strength left - zero

I feel horrible.

Simply speaking, I would say 2009 have been a fantabulous year for me in many aspects. Opportunities were plenty and I dare say I had quite a bit of fun as well. However, moving on 2010, I'm not exactly too upbeat about it. There are way too many questions which were left unanswered before ending the previous year, as well as too many grey areas which I left unaddressed. Some were beyond my control... but most were due to my procrastinating nature. As preached by one of my colleagues, there is such a thing as "The Law of Average". I just hope I'm ready when it takes effect. However, at the moment, my naked groin is pretty much open for the kicking. Enough reckless 'chiong'-ing in 2009, I need to be much, much more cautious in 2010. I sense plenty of freshly sharpened balisong being unsheathed.

 "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer"

I made this my personal mantra, in more ways than one. Unfortunately... while this will work nicely as a short term preemptive solution to safeguard my interests, I just realized how mentally draining it is in the long run.

I need a less taxing solution.

I would like to think of myself as a person, who sticks by his principles, come hell or high water. It kinda worked when I was younger, but as time passes by, it's becoming increasingly difficult to adhere to such a thinking. Of late, I have been making a number of decisions based on what I think is right. Matters of rather big significance which may have an impact on my daily life. Each time I was forced to do so, I dissected each situation down to it's simplest form, and made a decision based on what my inner voice tells me. Unfortunately, things are no longer that clear cut anymore. The decisions I made came back to bite me hard on the butt. Either my inner voice is an obsolete son of a gun, or the principals which I hold on to no longer applies in this world I currently operate in. Either way, I feel like a fucking hypocrite who preaches Plan A, but ends up executing Plan B to save my sorry ass. Tat's pretty much akin to serving as a nun in the morning and selling the body during the night as a worthless whore.

I feel like shit.

I had a long hard look at my archives about a week ago, and I was kinda suprised by how much it has changed since I started this weblog some 6 years ago. Sure, I'm may still be using the same ol banner, the same ol template... but reading entries from 2003 felt totally alien from the stuff I post today.

I could still remember the day I started this site. It was a time when my mind was seriously clouded with melancholy, and I needed a place to vent. So when I saw Batu Maung's weblog on TBlog (which was literature gold, I kid u not...), I decided to set up one myself. And that gave birth to Memoirs of a Blur Sotong. During that period of time, most entries were mainly emo-bapuk stuff... nonsensical ramblings which just flowed, from the mind to the keyboard. It was therapeutic.

A year down the road, I caught the lifestyle bug while mixing with the MYPDACAFE guys. And so I tried leaning towards gadget and lifestyle reviews. Unfortunately, I soon realized that this was an expensive way to add site content, so I abandoned the idea. But those were the days, especially the MTB adventures we had together.

I then tried to change my site into a food review blog. It went fairly well and I actually enjoyed writing about gastronomical delights. However, later down the road, I started feeling that it was ridiculous to snap photos of my lunch or dinner everytime I ate out. It kinda killed the culinary enjoyment/moment and eventually I stopped writing about these. I then briefly tried photography, but gave that up as well, coz I realize my photos suck.

2 years back, I started dabbling in the automotive world, both 2 and 4 wheels. I spent quite a bit on both my car and bike, and I documented the modification journey, from conception to the end result. Too bad, this was yet another pricey indulgement which could not be sustained (due to me having other priorities). My future plans required obscene amounts of money, and the planned mods were not exactly JPJ friendly, so my automotive obsession died as well. But I'm glad one of the guys in my circle of friends managed to take the plunge and did what I didn't managed to do; with mighty heavy chest thumping results. You rawk.

The DIY and art section are the ones which I still enjoy very much despite the lack of entries. I try to keep these alive, as these are some of the few things which still help stimulate my mind, and prevent myself from sinking into the boredom which comes from work and daily life.

Currently, the most active section on my blog is the Gunpla and Anime category. I caught the bug last year, and it still seems to be going strong. But I'm pretty sure it will die eventually as well, since this is yet another rather pricey and labour intensive hobby. But I'm enjoying it will it's still fresh.

Looking 2 years down the road, who knows if this site is still going to be active. If it is, I have absolutely no clue what it's going to look like... nor how the contents are going to change. Hopefully it will still be around, as this is the only written record I have of my life... and I'm kinda proud of it...  ;)

The past two weeks have been an eye opening experience for me. Looking at the early days when I first joined this company, the bunch of us were rather carefree individuals, who were more worried about the jerawat batu that just won't dry up, than lose sleep over the damn assigned action request which requires prompt attention. The new batch of kids who just came in over the past year or two are a totally different breed. Working with this handful of kids, made me realize they mean business. No nonsense, well organized, straight to the point. And they are more than willing to put in the extra mile to get things done. The level of commitment they exude almost made me forget how young they actually are. I take my hat off to you guys. THESE are the type of individuals we need to make a different (don't correct me... the 'typo' is intentional) in this organization...

Weird days are back. It's been a while but a whole host of new habits are now cropping up. Among these :

• Making sure my right leg crosses a crack on the road first before my left.
• I won't leave my workstation if the random screen-saver on my linux workstation flashes red. I will repeatedly log out and log in until I the screen saver changes to a color other than red.
• I tear all my unused documents in even counts. Two times or four. Never in odd number.

Wtf is wrong wiv me.